Wednesday, September 30, 2015
Ten years ago today you were so quickly taken from us. We didn't see it coming at all and I've spent the past ten years wondering what I would have done differently had I known how suddenly you would be gone. Some of my biggest regrets in life happened in the hospital the day you were born and although I can't get those moments back, I'd like to think that if I had to do it all over again, I would have done some things very differently.
First, I never would have taken the pain medicine that the doctor and nurses encouraged me to take after you were born. The pills made me so sleepy and I hardly remember them bringing you back to the room and placing you so gently next to me. I will always remember your perfect little fingers and toes but I wish I could have been more alert so that I could have memorized every perfect and tiny thing about you.
My other biggest regret was that we didn't have a camera that day. The nurses took a few pictures of you for me and daddy on a disposable camera but they were very grainy and blurry. I'd give anything to have a good picture of you, especially one of your precious little hands and feet.
And even though I have some regrets, there are many things that I'll never regret when I think about your short little life. Most important, I'll never regret being your mommy. Losing you was the hardest thing I've ever had to face but you helped mold me into the mother I am today and for that I am so grateful. I'm not a perfect mom and there are many days that I go to bed feeling like a failure but I don't ever take being a mom for granted. I remember the pain I felt in the weeks and months after you were gone and I remember crying out to God and praying that he would once again make me a mother. I'm thankful that he heard my cries and answered my prayers and there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about you and feel grateful for the chance to be a mom again.
As I think about you today on your birthday, I pray you will know how much I still love you and miss you. I know that you are celebrating in heaven but I would give anything to have you here celebrating with me and daddy and your siblings. You will always hold a very special place in our hearts and I am grateful for the hope I have that we will be reunited one day. Until then, always know that you are loved dearly and never forgotten.
Happy Birthday, my sweet angel! I love you to heaven and back, Mommy
Tuesday, September 29, 2015
Tomorrow is the last day of September and since I never got around to posting about August little things, I decided to combine the past two months into one post. We are now six weeks into the school year and it has flown by. The holidays are going to be here before we know it! Here are a few little things that happened over the past two months:
- We kept my parent's dog Brinkley for a few days while they were out of town in August and Lily was in heaven. She wants a dog so badly and loved getting to play with him whenever she wanted.
-Emily got a job as a part time speech therapist in our school district. I do not see her very often but it is fun on those rare occasions when we are in the same place at the same time, like the district convocation during our week of inservice. We definitely threw a lot of people off, especially those who didn't know I had a twin sister!
-We celebrated Labor Day with a cookout at Emily and Jon's house. Cory wanted to take the kids to see the fire trucks so we all loaded up and drove to Jon's station for a tour. They loved getting to sit in the driver's seat of Jon's fire engine but their favorite part of the night was when the firefighters that were on shift offered them a popsicle.
Towards the end of summer, the girls started begging me to sign them up for soccer. In a moment of weakness, I agreed. Because of their age difference, they were put on two different teams which meant double the practices and double the games. Add to that Parker's baseball practices/tournaments and a husband that works on Saturday and my life instantly got a lot crazier as soon as I signed them up!
Eden got picked up by the Thundercats- a team with several of her friends. We've known the coach for several years so he knows Eden and how timid she can be. He knew that there was a chance she would back out of playing the moment she realized that other people were in the stands watching her.
I'm happy to say that she's doing great! She loves playing offense and has gotten more and more aggressive at each game she's played. The other girls on her team have all played for several years so there are times when she is still trying to figure it all out, but overall she's picked the game up quickly. They've welcomed her with open arms and have encouraged her so much. Coach Mike has given her a lot of play time in each game and she looks forward to each and every practice and game. The only time she has cried so far is when the game ended and it was time to go home! We are so proud of how hard she is trying and for being so brave in a completely new and unfamiliar situation.
Lily has enjoyed playing but I'm not sure she will stick with it. She is already talking about what she wants to try next!
Friday, September 18, 2015
Today my niece, Addison, turns 8 years old! She has always wanted to have a swimming party with her friends but it is often too cold to swim by the middle of September. This year she decided to move her party to the end of August and had several friends over to Granna's house to swim. Even though she goes to Mansfield schools, she is still close to several of the sweet girls she met in kindergarten at Gerard. They were all able to come celebrate with her this year.
Monday, September 14, 2015
Lily had to wait two weeks after Parker and Eden started school for preschool to begin and she couldn't wait to get started! She is doing what the big kids did when they were four years old- Sunshine Preschool on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and Thursday School on Thursday. She started Thursday school first and was so excited to be in Mrs. Angie's class, just like Eden was two years ago. She walked right in and sat down without ever looking back. I'm so glad she loves school! She had a great first day and couldn't wait to go back!