I have to admit that I have been in a little bit of a funk as we start this new year. I am usually ready to see what a new year has in store for me but this year I am just not feeling it. My dishwasher broke on Christmas Day and the new one we bought was damaged. I am still waiting on the new one to come in and while I know that this is a first world problem and not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, it has been a huge inconvenience during my two week vacation.
In addition to my dishwasher breaking, Cory got his latest MRI results back a few days ago and they are not we had hoped. Because he is on the strongest MS treatment available, we assumed there would be no evidence of disease progression on his scans. Unfortunately, he had 5 new lesions on his brain and the lesions on his spine are too many to count. While we knew about the spinal lesions from previous MRIs, the newest brain lesions came as a shock. Apparently, the Lemtrada infusion treatment isn't stabilizing his progression like we had hoped and the news was unsettling to say the least. I am trying so hard to stay positive and optimistic but there are moments when I just want to collapse in fear of the unknown.
I am reading through Exodus with the First5 app and the very first chapter is about the trials that the Israelites faced when they were in Egypt. Below is a little bit of the commentary on the first chapter:
"Why did God allow this pain and suffering in the lives of His chosen people?
Because our all-knowing God always see the bigger picture and has a greater purpose. He uses our times of trail and hardship to purge sin from our lives, to strengthen our walk with Him, to force us to depend of Him, to bind us together in community, and to cause us to know and trust Him more.
Don't we too have our own "Egypts", times we feel oppressed, forgotten, burdened beyond what we think we can bear? Like the Israelites, it's those times that should draw us closer to our God, the Promise Keeper, who honors His Word and fulfills it without exception."- Wendy Blight
The word that jumps out at me the most is TRUST. I have to trust that God knows exactly what he is doing, even when an MRI scan doesn't come back the way we had hoped. He sees the bigger picture and while I don't understand (and may never understand), I have to choose to trust that He knows best for me and Cory and our family. This is much easier said than done and it's a daily choice that I have to make.
If I'm brutally honest, as I enter 2016 with a broken dishwasher and a broken spirit because of unfavorable MRI results, I am not looking forward to what God has in store for our family. I honestly don't want to think about what may lie ahead of us this year, but my word for this year is going to be "TRUST". Even though I may not know what tomorrow may bring on our MS journey, I will choose to TRUST that God knows exactly what He is doing. I will choose to place my TRUST in a God that NEVER fails. And I will choose to TRUST that 2016 will be a great year for us no matter the circumstances.
