Ten years ago today you were so quickly taken from us. We didn't see it coming at all and I've spent the past ten years wondering what I would have done differently had I known how suddenly you would be gone. Some of my biggest regrets in life happened in the hospital the day you were born and although I can't get those moments back, I'd like to think that if I had to do it all over again, I would have done some things very differently.
First, I never would have taken the pain medicine that the doctor and nurses encouraged me to take after you were born. The pills made me so sleepy and I hardly remember them bringing you back to the room and placing you so gently next to me. I will always remember your perfect little fingers and toes but I wish I could have been more alert so that I could have memorized every perfect and tiny thing about you.
My other biggest regret was that we didn't have a camera that day. The nurses took a few pictures of you for me and daddy on a disposable camera but they were very grainy and blurry. I'd give anything to have a good picture of you, especially one of your precious little hands and feet.
And even though I have some regrets, there are many things that I'll never regret when I think about your short little life. Most important, I'll never regret being your mommy. Losing you was the hardest thing I've ever had to face but you helped mold me into the mother I am today and for that I am so grateful. I'm not a perfect mom and there are many days that I go to bed feeling like a failure but I don't ever take being a mom for granted. I remember the pain I felt in the weeks and months after you were gone and I remember crying out to God and praying that he would once again make me a mother. I'm thankful that he heard my cries and answered my prayers and there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about you and feel grateful for the chance to be a mom again.
As I think about you today on your birthday, I pray you will know how much I still love you and miss you. I know that you are celebrating in heaven but I would give anything to have you here celebrating with me and daddy and your siblings. You will always hold a very special place in our hearts and I am grateful for the hope I have that we will be reunited one day. Until then, always know that you are loved dearly and never forgotten.
Happy Birthday, my sweet angel! I love you to heaven and back, Mommy
No comments:
Post a Comment