Courage

I usually do not choose to blog about MS and the effects it has on our daily lives/marriage/parenting/work/spirituality because I created this blog as a journal for my kids.  I want them to be able to look back on their younger years and be able to remember the things that they probably won't remember on their own.  I do not want this journal to be filled with memories of tough times or unpleasant things, so I try to keep things positive on my blog.  I also don't feel that a blog should be a way to air your family's dirty laundry.  Some private things should be kept private.  On the other hand, I don't want my kids to look back and think that our lives were perfect.  We have our ups and downs just like all families.

I am not sure why I wanted to write a little about MS tonight. I don't usually let people peek into this window of our lives.  It is not something we discuss with our kids yet either, although I know there will be a time when it will be inevitable.  They know that daddy goes once a month to the doctor to get some medicine, but that is about all they know at this point.  Cory's symptoms are not noticeable to them yet and we have kind of taken a "we'll cross that bridge when we get to it" approach with them.  Our counselor has already started sharing a few small ideas on how we can talk to them about it and I'm sure we will figure out more when the time comes. 

Tonight as I write in my kids' "journal", I want them to know not about the hardships of MS (and there are many), but about how courageous their daddy is.  He rarely complains.  He doesn't want sympathy. He does not give in to some of the limitations MS tries to put on him.  He faces MS with a courage that I wish I had.  There are many days when I am ready to throw in the towel and I am not even the one fighting this disease.  Only he knows the daily frustrations of living in a body that has been changed by disease.  Only he knows what it is like to feel like a 76 year old trapped inside a 36 year old body. 

This MS journey has been hard and I know that it is only going to get harder.  I know that many people who face similar hardships reach a point where they see their disease as a blessing, but if I am being completely honest, I am not there yet, and am not sure that I will ever be.  Even if I never reach that point, I know that through this journey and by his example, my kids will learn about how to live with courage and how to face trials with courage.  What a wonderful life lesson he is teaching them!

Joshua 1:9- "This is my command- be strong and courageous!  Do not be afraid or discouraged.  For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."