Four Years Ago Today...

we sent our sweet baby girl, Katelyn, to be with Jesus. It's hard to believe that four years have already passed, yet some days it feels like it was just yesterday.

I always dread the anniversary of her birthday as it always brings back so many memories and emotions. I sometimes think that the weeks leading up to it are worse than the actual day itself.

Every year, the same feelings come back. Sadness. Anger. Emptiness. Every year, the same questions arise again. Why did we have to lose her? How would our family be different if she was here with us today?

This year, I think due to the fact that we now have 2 wonderful kids that are as different as night and day, I have found myself wondering a lot more.

I wonder if Katelyn would have been spirited like Parker or easy going like Eden.

I wonder if she would be a towhead like Parker and her daddy or a brunette like Eden and her mommy.

I wonder if she would like ice cream like her daddy or salty snacks like her mommy.

I wonder what her smile would look like, what her laugh would sound like, what her hugs would feel like.

It is during times like these that I have to just cling to the promise that I will one day see her again. And while I would give anything to have her back, I know that she will forever be in a much better place.

Happy 4th Birthday, Katelyn! We love and miss you so much and can't wait until we get to hold you in heaven.

"Her life was so short that the only mark she made on this world was in our hearts. We will never see her smile or know the color of her hair. She didn't grow up to accomplish great things, and she died before she even had a name. But she is not forgotten. She is our daughter."- An Empty Cradle, A Full Heart by Christine O'Keeffe Lafser