Sad

Today I am feeling sad.

I don't feel sad that often. Frustrated-sometimes. Angry-occasionally. Tired- all the time. But I have so many blessings in my life that it is rare for me to feel sad.

I started back to work today. Summer vacation went way too fast. And although I am only away from my babies for a few hours every morning, I still feel sad that I have to be away from them at all. They grow so fast and I am sad that I am missing even some of the things they do on a daily basis.

I am sad that I had to wake up to an alarm this morning rather than the sound of Eden "talking" in her crib.

I am sad that the toys in my bathroom remained quiet and untouched while I showered and got ready for the day.

I am sad that I had to wake both of my kids up from a deep sleep in order to get them in the car and not be late for work.

I am sad that I didn't get to hear "Up, please" as I put Parker up on the counter and talk with him while I was making his pancakes for breakfast.

I am sad that I didn't get to watch Little Einsteins with Parker while Eden took her morning nap.

I am sad that I didn't get to put the monster puzzle together with Parker for the 7th time in a row.

I am sad that I didn't get to watch Eden cruise down the couch or fireplace on her way to get something that she probably didn't need to have.

I am sad that I didn't get to eat lunch with Parker.

And although I am sad today, I know that things will be fine and that we will all get used to our new back-to-school routine by the end of the week.

I will not be sad anymore and will again turn my focus onto the things I am grateful for.

Like the fact that I have two wonderful kids to miss while I am at work.

And the fact that I still have a job, in an economy where many people are struggling to find work and make ends meet.

And the fact that I love my job and the teachers and students I work with every day.

And the fact that my kids are lucky enough to have their Granna watch them while I am at work.

And the fact that I only have to work part time. That I am home by noon every day, ready to play and enjoy my kids.

It is when I start focusing on all the good things that I really don't feel that sad anymore. I start appreciating all of the times I do get to spend with my kids just a little bit more. I don't take their smiles and laughter for granted. I look forward to even the not-so-fun aspects of motherhood, because I know that the diapers and the tantrums will be gone before I know it.

And although I might feel sad right now, I know that it will not last, and for that I am truly grateful!